


Realization of Loss

by Mariessa



Series: Rotten Series [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Hinata Hajime & Kamukura Izuru Are Merged, Hinata Hajime & Kamukura Izuru Share a Body Simultaneously, M/M, Personal Growth, Post-Neo World Program (Dangan Ronpa), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Self-Hatred, Two Minds One Body, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 01:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16030583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariessa/pseuds/Mariessa
Summary: After awakening from the Neo World Program Hajime is met with less the enthusiastic reactions from his friends and the rest of the future foundation. Despite his protests everyone believes he is still Izuru and he is forced into solitude in order to "bring back" his past self. And in this solitude he comes to realise all he has lost and what he still has to gain.





	1. Chapter One: Awakening

_"Don't be scared Hajime. The world might seem dull and the future hopeless but in the end everything will come through."_

* * *

_**Awakening** _

* * *

 

The first thing he felt was coldness and water.

Slowly his eyes opened and he was met with the black metal encasing of the small pod. His entire body felt as if he had been run over by some sort of truck and his chest burned with each breath he took almost as if in any moment it would cave in. Water covered the majority of his body soaking the thin piece of clothing that covered most of his body with his large mass of hair doing the rest.

Shuddering he attempted to move his arms towards the roof of the pod only to feel his bones ache with his fingers twitching. He narrowed his eyes realising that he must have been asleep for longer than he thought and his body wasn't used to moving anymore. A crease formed on his forehead as he tried to remember anything that could help get him free from the pod feeling as if he where suffocating from it's shrinking size.

'the-'

The boy blinked and moved his head to the side to see if anyone else was in the pod with him. He was met with the vacant dark blue hue that sat above him causing him to frown. A voice had been by his ear almost as if someone where laying next to him whispering into it. Could he be hearing things? This seemed to be the only logical explanation for what was happening but then again he was locked in some kind of metal container filled with water so anything could be possible.

His head began to hurt and he whimpered feeling a burning sensation grow behind his eyes.

'Hajime.'

'-the side. Push the side.'

That name. It sounded familiar to the boy but he didn't remember hearing it before. His frown deepens as he realized he couldn't really remember anything from before awaking except for the soft voice of a girl and a pair of red eyes. Pain filled his body and he hissed gritting his teeth to keep from screaming.

The side...the side...could the voice mean for him to push something on the side of the pod? Breathing heavily he began to try and move his fingers again the small limbs twitching ever now and then. Fire filled his body as he kept trying to move them each attempt making them move more and more. Within what seemed like hours he was able to clench his hands for a few seconds before the pain became unbearable.

He could do this.

Moving his hands towards the side of the pod he felt large grooves and tubes coming from it. The only thing he could think that they where there for was to filter in the water than he was floating in so he left them alone and started to to farther down where the grooves got larger and tubes nonexistent. Something sharp hit his nails and he stopped holding his breath.

'cut yourself with the metal.'

'why?'

He was hesitant to talk to the voice fearing that he was truly going insane but he felt as if he should trust him. A warm feeling spread through his chest and he felt his hand wrap around the blade cutting into the skin. He tried to pull away from it but it was as if he had lost control of his body and forced to stab himself over and over again.

'stop! It hurts!'

'quiet. It's our only way out Hajime. The pod will sense that we've injured ourselves and will alert Makoto Neagi-'

Whatever else the voice was going to say it would have to wait as the top of the pod burst open with a loud slam allowing him to envelope in bright white light. He began to try and sit up wanting to get out of the prison as fast as he could but a pair arms stopped him holding him in place. Cobalt blue eyes stared down at him accusing from behind glasses sending chills down his spine.

The blonde was squeezing his shoulders so hard that he felt his fingers dig into his flesh causing him to yelp in pain. He didn't look like he wanted to let go however loud footsteps could be heard from begin and soon the man had to pull away from him forcefully.

"Byakuya! What are you doing!"

The new voice sounded familiar and soft like someone who had just woken up from a deep dream. He pursued his lips together and grabbed onto the sides of the pulling himself up to sit. Water dripped from his hair and body drenching the floor as loud gasp filled the room. Startled he looked up to see a brown haired teen with wide green eyes.

'the new hope..!'

"Hope?" He said a burning sensation passing through his chest as he spoke to himself eyebrows raised in question.

The boy and the blonde man looked at one another as if he had said something wrong. He bit his lip fearing for the worst and put his now mutilated hand in his lap waiting for them to speak.

Minutes passes in silence with the previously comatose boy looking around the dark room with interest the area feeling more familiar than anything else had. This disturbed him with the lights in it being to bright like the ones in a hospital room and the windows being bolted shut with large sheets of metal. He wondered, dully if he was some sort of prisoner.

"Where am I?" The boy blinked sluggishly at the ground. "Who am I?"

First to speak was the blonde man, Byakuya he had heard the younger male call him. There was certain feel to him that made the boy want to pull the pod roof back down and go back into his dreamless sleep. It was his eyes mostly filled unconstrained hate and malice. All of this disgust towards him he couldn't figure out what for and the voice had suddenly gone quiet.

"Your in Future Foundation Headquarters. I suppose your memory is a little wonky from being pulled from the program so fast but that doesn't mean you can play dumb Izuru Kamukura."

"Future Foundation? Program? Izuru Kamukura?" Not-Izuru shook his head unable to figure out anything he was saying. Hopefully the other teen could help him. "What is he talking about?"

Hope shuffled his feet as he spoke giving off his frowning unease to the older boy. Not-Izuru began to feel threatened from the two and curled up his body into a ball shivering. Everything began to hurt again and his eyelids felt heavy. The urge to fall back to sleep began to grow causing him to jolt up in fear.

'hajime!'

"Hajime-Senpai are you okay?!" Hope shouted grabbing onto the boy pushing Byakuya out of the in the process. Worry filled the boy's eyes as he watched the former ultimate despair breath heavy with sweat gathering on his forehead.

"Uh." Not-Izuru shook his head his tongue feeling suddenly to big for his mouth and coughed into the other boy's shirt. "I'm tired."

He looked up at the two and winced feeling his body lock up in a new onslaught of pain. When he began to try and speak he felt a low buzzing sound his head become faint with a foul taste in his mouth. Sweat dripped down the back of his gown as he dug his nails into his already bloody palms. Finally after what seemed like hours of agony he spoke and the pair's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Why did you wake us up?!"


	2. Chapter Two: Merging

_**Awakening** _

_"Memories...something that can burden a person for years with waves of guilt and regret. Figments of your imagination that can twist you into something dark and cruel. We don't need them. We don't need these accursed memories."_

* * *

_**Merging** _

* * *

 

Emotions.

Izuru Kamukura had never felt them.

The word was something he considered foreign and vacant. It gave him no satisfaction or feeling of loss whenever someone brought it up only the endless boringness that was his entire existence. Boring. The word was one he felt a brotherly bond with both of them not expecting anything from what came before or after them. He hadn't ever taken the time to think about recovering his forgotten memories and this to had not bothered him that much.

To someone with endless knowledge and inhuman amounts of skill his past self was nothing but a figment in his mind. A fragment that contained slivers of hopes and dreams for the future he had once held. At first he had been curious to why he would ever sign over his life to such a pitiful organization such as Hope's Peak Academy since all he had seen from the men and woman that taught him where fear filled smiles and tense glances.

The very people that created him had feared him. Whispers followed everywhere he had went in the facility and his cell was more of a escape from their raw emotions than a prison. However in the past they had seen him as merely a lab rat. It all began to change soon after his first encounter with Enoshima and the student council massacre was a nail in his coffin.

And with that nail came a stake in the remains of his heart. Izuru barely remembered the day that the plan to engulf the world in despair finished and he witnessed the small girl's death. All he could see was the blurriness of the tears in his eye and the waves of terror and heartbreak. He didn't know if Hajime had loved the girl with pink hair but he did know at that moment the figment that had haunted him for months broke into a million pieces.

'Hajime...'

The following two and a half years where filled with blandness and confusion. He felt lost amidst the raw emotions the survivors had felt fighting the insanity that was once their world. Anyone who dared to challenge him where easily taken down and he was left alone to dwell on his thoughts. As far as he knew Hajime Hinata was a nobody, a mistake waiting to be put in it's place. The boy had craved the love and pride of his parents but only received scoldings and disappointed sighs in return.

Still he held onto hope and began to do anything to earn his parents pride. He studied day and night loosing his friends one by one until he became a loner. Anytime he had to spare he spent on researching anything, anything at all that could reveal that maybe he had some talent. Empty stares from doctors, remorseful grunts from his father about giving birth to a disappointment, staying up at night from crying to hard. He didn't understand why Hajime hadn't just given up like any normal person but he was stubborn.

'...'

And that stubbornness had gotten him destroyed. The boy known as Hajime Hinata was someone he tried to mourn over and hold dear in his heart but he felt nothing. It was like he no longer remembered what it felt like to cry. The cold remorseless body he now had wouldn't allow him to feel the pain of loss ever again and he began to fear it.

'why are you hiding.'

When he received news of Future Foundation coming his way he didn't know what to think of it. Could they possibly aide him in his search to salvage what remained of his former self? Could they bring Hajime back to him?

He didn't want to wait for a answer. Izuru had found that even though he was extremely intelligent and observant remnants of his former personality still remained. That stubbornness drove him to reveal himself to the Remnants of Despair and the future foundation despite the consequences. This did cause him to have to act like a former student of Hope's Peak for a little while but he didn't mind of as much as he thought he would.

After all he had a purpose for doing this all.

_:-:-:-:-:_

"Byakuya Togami and Makoto Neagi." Izuru said plainly as he looked at each of the former students of Hope's Peak one by one. "It's been a long time hasn't it."

He received no answer at first and simply laid his palms face down in his lap...no their lap he reminded himself. The possibility of something this impossible happening, the merging of his former personality and behaviours with his own still seemed odd to him. He wished to talk to Hajime when he was less out of it later but now he had to deal with them.

A fan buzzed behind his ears loudly throwing his long locks if her hair in front of his face. He made no move to move it only staring straight ahead at the shocked agents before him. Odd enough he found it amusing that they hadn't figured out what happened yet.

"What seems to be the problem? Did Hajime scare you two or something." Odd. This whole roster of emotions felt odd.

Izuru pondered on it for a moment allowing the feelings to sink in for sometime. After a few minutes he decided to try again.

'Hajime can you hear me?'

The only answer he received was the sound of the fan behind his head and the buzzing of the rest of the pods. Sighing he attempted to get up from where he sat only to see the to before him backup immediately. Izuru licked his lips feeling a new, pleasant sensation go through his body.

Pleasure! Fear! Adrenaline!

All of these emotions, all of these animalistic creatures sat buzzing in his body waiting to tear into the men in front of him. Though he found no joy in killing others Izuru felt the temptation to crush there tiny little skulls grow with every breath he took. He licked his lips again and took another step forward ignoring the pain in his legs.

This was strange. This was fun. This was...this was...

"Terrifying." Izuru whispered to himself his hands clenched at his side.

He felt his legs give in and he collapsed onto his side. His body tremored as he felt the wave of terror him like a landslide. Never in his life had he felt this. Never in his life had he dared to show weakness to those unworthy, to people he saw as meager worms.

No. He didn't want this feeling. This empathy for others. This fear for his physical and mental wellbeing. Izuru Kamakura was invincible. He was stronger then the average human being and smarter then hundreds of humans combined. He wasn't supposed to feel like this.

He wasn't supposed to feel.

_:-:-:-:-:-:_

Togami wasted no time slamming his fist into the alarm. He still found it hard to believe that the ultimate hope had been strong enough to wake up and it startled him that he could walk. The man should have been to damaged from the program to even function correctly at first. This was something they hadn't accounted for and he thanked god that he only made it one step before collapsing.

The emergency siren rang throughout the building as he heard the sound of running behind him. Hopefully the men in his division arrived first and not those Munakata fanatics. There where to many people in the foundation who wanted to simply eradicate everything from there despair ridden world and start anew even if it meant killing thousands.

"Makoto we need to make sure he can't escape." He turned towards his former classmate scowling at the worried look in his eyes. "Makoto! Now is not the time to try and save everyone."

He gritted his teeth and looked back outside the basement doorway. No one had arrived yet and hopefully they'd have enough evidence to save themselves from the incoming trial.

"Sorry Byakuya." Makoto blushed and ran over to the man helping him off the ground.

Togami groaned inwardly when Makoto asked him if he was hurt in anyway and made his way towards the pods control system. He hissed when the pod for Izuru flashed a dark red indicating it's malfunction. Hundreds of thousands of dollars in research down the drain all for useless rejects. He rubbed at his face and closed the panel making sure it was locked shut.

They didn't need the foundation finding out about the malfunction or else they'd shut down the other pods. And that would mean that the others would starve to death or worse be cooked alive from the technology connected to there brains. As much of the ultimate despair annoyed him he wasn't going to just them die.

He needed to have Izuru observed though. A man like him, capable of performing talents owned by thousands if not millions of people in one body with so little morality, would be a disaster if left on his own. They needed to find someone or somewhere strong enough to hold him. And fast.

Togami adjusted his glasses with glare. There was no time to waist they needed to get out of here and alert there divisions quickly.

"Makoto put Izuru on your back. We need to go find Kyoko."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I deleted this pretty abruptly and I apologize. There will be a explanation soon.


End file.
